Tuesday

"Don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. " Jas 1:4 (MSG)

"Do not cast away your confidence for it has great rewards." Heb 10:35

Feeling better

Feeling better today. It's the first day in the last one week that I have not cried for hours. At least not yet. Ha.

And I'm already very thankful for that.

A good day

O today is the happiest day for the last 1 wk!

I woke at 10am today. Went pak-tohing with Vic. Nothing very special. We had our breakfast before heading to Kbox! We spent 3 hours singing non-stop, not even a toilet break! Quite shiok! Hee... I left the place feeling happy!! Besides, the weather was SUNNY-HAPPY. I love SUNNY DAY!

Then we got the news that our maid is ready for collection! a few hours earlier than scheduled. So far she has impressed me! Very automatic. First thing she came in, put down her stuff, and she checked out the clothes that are hung on the bamboo poles. She is checking if it's ready to take down. Wow. Now she is busy doing all the cleaning, taking out the stuff and tidying the cabinets, without me even asking her to do it!! So far, she is very good! Let's hope she will be good in taking care of ah gong which is the main reason she's here for.

God is good.

好美

乘坐巴士经过一条路。
眺望着一片好美好美的蓝天白云。
突然好想哭。
ipod的音乐节拍歌词都为我加油。
就连蓝天白云也来了。
谢谢。

心情好像天气一样晴朗

Tears

It just never stop for the last few days.

It's reserved for myself, my husband, God and within my room.

----------------------------

Broke the news. It flows uncontrollably from everyone's eyes, including mine.

But what I heard warmed my heart greatly.

"In this place, I don't have to be somebody else."

"I don't have to be afraid of who I am and what I can say."

"I am always very proud of my leader. I go around telling people my leader is Yvonne. I know I am in good hands."

"I changed a lot and grew a lot here."

"From just attending CG as just another routine, to really enjoy one another here and looking forward for one another's fellowship."

There is just so many of those heartfelt words from these boys. It's the most moving sight to see all the guys tearing and saying the good and bad of the CG.

Even a new friend was very moved and challenged to want to do smthg for the CG in these last 9 weeks.

I know all of us are so heartbroken to know that we are supposed to disband by Dec if we dun multiply.

I know I have done what I felt I needed to do with these boys' lives. Now it's up to them to fight for one another. It's a tough fight. Half of them are having O levels. But I feel the determination in their hearts as they prayed for the CG. 

They have grown up. I have done what God has placed in my heart to do with them. It is enough. Just not enough for my own.

Birthday at Sentosa

2008 Birthday Gifts

Birthday Scapbook from N262

Very touched to see this from the members during my birthday.

3 years of seeing them grow up. From being childish, unresponsive, locked up to being open and free to speak up. I am so glad that I have helped them to open up and be who they are.

My heart aches. Have I been so wrong?

Guys, rise up pls. We won't have another 1 year. There's only 2 months left.

With my last breath of hope, "All things are possible in Him alone."

Birthday Scapbook from N262

The bunch of guys and 1 gal did this for me. Very touched by it.

Pastor 2.MOV

My Birthday @ Changi Beach Club

Birthday Celebration (Sep 16, Tue)

Wenling organized a birthday dinner with some of the closer ones at Changi Beach Club andthereafter a KTV session.

Well, it's another night of fun and laughter!! And i really felt overwhelmed this year. Pastor kept teasing me that my birthday is like the event of the year. Celebrations from Saturday all the way to Tue. And funniest thing is that I kept meeting the SAME group of people to celebrate my birthday! O my... I find it soooo amusing... A question popped up in my mind... "I'm 31 this year, right? Not 21 leh! Why such elaboration for my birthday?!!" Aiyo.... I feel so embarrassed man.

Below is a scrapbook I have just created. Lixia recommended it. Try it at http://www.scrapblog.com/

what a day!

The whole day had been such a roller-coaster ride in emotions. Was jolted out of sleep by a voice in melayu and my familiar husband's voice. Got out of my room to find a malay guy outside our house separated by just the iron gate. Both parties looked and felt heated in their exchange.

Later, I realised it had to do with our maid. After the guy left, warning us to beware our maid, we questioned her and found that she's trying to hide something. Sent her back to the agency. And there our emotions got to another height.

It turned out that the agent, who's a very pregnant lady was so so fierce when confronting our maid. Of cos we got what we needed to know and decided to send her back to Indonesia and get another maid. Then come another shock. I paid $1000 just to send the maid back and pay for the insurance and fee for the new maid. Big hole in my pocket now. "Broke" is the word.

Got home and went to my Sis-in-law's place. Was so tired that both vic and I just fell asleep at her place, one on the sofa, the other at the slain couch. Tired man.

Gone was our swimming plan bcos of this morning maid saga.

After a long night of mtg, the 3 zones celebrated my birthday for me. It came as quite a surprise cos it was at a point when I least expected. Pleasantly surprised. The ldrs reali gave me many gifts and their heart-felt wishes that reali moved my heart. But a bit lost that at that time as pastor wasn't around to pray for me. Anyway, I requested for prayer still and Simon, together with the rest, prayed for me. Nothing means more than that.

The clock has passed twelve, and it's after our supper. Then we got an SMS informin us of mtg tmr! Well, pastor, Wenling, simon, vic and I had taken leave to go sentosa to celebrate my birthday! In short, gone is my sentosa, sun, beach and bikini celebration. So sad.

But it's fine. I'm just so blessed to have friends and comrades like these. Feel so loved. Especially, the words on the cards by the leaders. I knw those were not just standard phrases you say to assure pp. Thanks. I feel so humbled by it all.

It's a great joy to love God and serve God together with you. Thanks all. Love you lots.

P.s. Photos coming soon.

My Surprise Birthday Celebration!

Birthday Celebration

WO... What a surprise I had today!!

Vic came home telling me that he had a surprise for me and needed to BLINDFOLD me before bringing me to the place! Well, of cos I smell rats (nice ones though. Ha!). 

First, he said he booked a cab and the cab will arrive in 7min to bring me to Orchard. Then the delay to 15min later. Then we got up the "cab" (with my eyes blindfolded still), the smell of the "cab", the seat of the "cab" feels too nice and comfortable to be a real cab!! Then came the "cab driver's" voice in HOKKIEN but sounded too much like Melvin... Hahaha... The cat is out of the bag! I know we must be heading toward Pastor's house. So I asked, "are we entering CTE?", "Yes", came the answer from Vic. Well... You see, whether you take Ave 1 or Ave 5 exit, it's a turning right, but we turned left... Haha... And I know my hubby so well, I know he will never do such thing as BLINDFOLD me and bring me BLINDFOLDED on a cab heading to ORCHARD for a dinner at a restaurant. Well well......

True enough, I got out of the "cab" and got into the lift... And I knew it's Pastor's house liao... His lift is always soooooo warm and stuffy. Before I could entirely undo the blindfold, the people yelled, SURPRISE!!! And started singing Happy Birthday before I could even see properly!! Haha... It was reali a surprise even though I sort of knew there must be something more than what I was told.

I always love celebrating my birthday with lots of people. But as usual, I would feel slightly uncomfortable being the highlight of any event or occasion. I don't like to be the highlight, but I enjoy the excuse of spending special moments like this together with pp I treasure.

Reali felt overwhelmed by the efforts made to make my birthday a special one. I mean, it's reali such a surprise. Thanks a lot to BK & Pauline, Aaron & Veron, Johnson & Shilin, Roy & Xiang, Simon, Melvin, Barry, Vincent, Meiyan for being present. And especially Pastor and Wenling for being the brain behind it. Nothing elaborate. But I feel very overwhelmed. Thank you!

One more day to my actual birthday. A lot more to talk about what transpired since yesterday. I am so blessed. Thank you, Lord.

God is good.

Wish list?

Different ones have been asking... Most of which have been bugging Vic for it. But he bugs me for it too!!

Seriously, I dunno what I wanna wish for.

Sarah specially brought twisties and chips to adult camp for me have been enough for me actually. Already felt very loved. Ha. Thanks Sarah. :)

It seems like a yearly affair that I remember this. Like a ritual, the memory of that one birthday gift would be brought to my mind each year during my birthday. It's still the best gift. I dun quite understand too. Just very simple yet it etched deeply in my mind and heart. Reason is simple too. Cos I birthed and loved them with all my heart, yet I lost them prematurely. What's left is the lingering tinge of sadness telling me that I am still living.

So what do I want? I dun mind LV bag or wallet or pouch. HA! Or what about the Coach pouch that I so covet for? Hmmm... Time to devise an evil plan to steal my sister's one. O, I gotta preach to myself the sermon again. HEH HEH. Or how about Lowe bag? Ok. Ok. Enough of branded goods. Let's talk about Xbox, Play Station and Hi-Fi set... Are you sure you still want to know what's my wish list? Cold feet liao right? HA!

I am a simple person. Buy me anything that you think is suitable and nice for me. Students, seriously, you can just buy me tidbits and I will be OVER THE MOON for the whole month. And Miss Chang-Er would have been able to return to earth and her lover for a month. LAME. Working adults, get me anything that you think i shld try or suits me. I am willing to try. At least it gives surprises. :) What is birthday without surprises? Haha. 

FYI, the NUMBER ONE turn-off gift for me has always been VOUCHERS. No one has overthrown that yet. Dun give me vouchers and ask me to choose my own present! That's how different I am from Siang and my Sis. I'm rather impractical(?). But if you are talking about LV/Gucci/Lowe/Chanel vouchers it's a different thing. That would certainly make my brand-conscious hubby reali happy. Ok ok. For my hubby's name sake... it shld be "That would certainly make my hubby reali happy cos he reali likes his wife to be wearing branded stuff all the time." That's my hubby. Does all guys think like that? Hehe. But I am happy as long as he's happy. 

Ok. Does this post give you a slight idea what to buy for me? Beyond all the material stuff, pls pray for me and my online biz to prosper too!! Anyone that has thought of buying me anything has already make me feel very good. Thanks all!!

God is good.

On my way home

Just ended CGM not long ago. Mark came and join us. I didn't conduct a
good cgm.

Oh ya. Today I shocked Tim by asking him to play praise for Cinthia.
Kinda impromptu. He tried his best. Even though he wasn't prepared, he
said yes readily to playing his first praise for CGM. *clap*

Birthday coming!

Woo Hoo!! Vic suggested going Sentosa next week for my birthday on Tuesday!!! God must have arranged it that there's a combine leaders' mtg will be on Mon instead of Tue!!! YEY!

Anyone wanna come along?? Pst YK, Wenling & Simon are coming along. Join us if you available!!

:D

3 and a half years

was praying and this came to my mind just now. Jesus had his ministry for 3 and a half years before be was crucified died and was buried. I find this so true even in our walk with God.

When I first came church. The first few years, abt 3 years, a lot of faith issue was tested. Then the first 3 years of being a cgl, alot of testing in conviction. Then the first 3 years of being on staff, a lot of moulding and decision to make. Then the first 3 years of marriage, a lot of leaving and cliving. All these events required a dying to self, and sometimes personal aspirations to achieve something greater than myself.

I thought that is "wow". Isn't it true man. If you choose not to die to yourself then what greater things do you reali think u can achieve by yourself?

So dun get discouraged. Die with Jesus and you will also rise with Him. Amen.

I'm very curious

I'm very curious to find out. It is where rubber meets the road. As my dear friends, i trust that you will be truthful to me.

Have my blog entries ripped your faith apart?

Have my sharing stumbled you?

Or have I encouraged you?

Or have I led you to thoughts and revelation of how good God is?

Pls be truthful. You can PM me if you are comfortable that way.

_____

Frankly, I find it rather absurd to think that anyone would feel so discouraged after reading my entries. FYI, some close to heart entries are limited to people who are supposed to be closer. Well, at least I know now, some are simply not that close after all.

As I write, I feel sad. But this will not stop me from blogging. The day I decided to blog, I told myself I am doing this for a purpose. I may not be able to preach to a great congregation, but I can preach with my life.

Having know me all these years, you judge. Have I fallen? Am I not still standing after all that I have been through? The torment I used to live with before i came to CHC. The issues that I had to deal with after coming CHC. The depression I had to handle while on staff and in SOT? The learning process (or the overcoming process, I call it) that I had in handling admin and ldrs. The health issue last year.

Am I not still standing? Am I not?

I may look weak, and share abt my weaknesses but I am definitely not weak.

If you want to abound, you need to also know what it means to abase. Cut the crap about looking and being strong all the time. I have no short of weaknesses but I am not a weak person. 

After all these years, I see many rise and fall. I am still standing. Why am I still labelled "weak"? Actually, I don't quite care, cos I know I am strong. This time, I won't let go again of what I think is right. I know why I have started and I know what I want to achieve. Call me arrogant. Just let me be this time. How many times have I been found arrogant and full of myself? I have my whole life to prove you wrong and I am not in a hurry. Are you?

Greater is He who's in me than he who's in the world.

And he who kneels most, stands best.

God is good.

Nothing much today

Nothing much today. Just lazing around. Went shopping at AMK but only bought a box of mint and dental floss.

My greatest achievement today is my jog in Bishan Park. Ran 1km in 5min. Quite a feat for Yvonne the skinny, whitely, and weakly. HA! But of cos I didn't just jog 1km. I jog for another few hundred meters before walking another few hundred meters. All that took abt 30min. Phew. *pat* Good job, gal!

It's time to sleep before I get too hungry to fall asleep. But I guess it shld be good sleep tonite after the wonderful but tedious run. Nite!

Yanping's Birthday @ Dempsey Hill

We went to Ben & Jerry at Dempsey Hill to celebrate Yanping's Birthday.

Time to take a step back

All the big events in our zone are over, except for the young adult dance event that has been put on hold till further notice. So now, i have time to breathe again.

It's really such a relief that all of the big events are over, at least for the time being. Yesterday, especially after the youth evangelistic meeting is over, I can see that relief in all of the youth ldrs' face. Really a great relief. One thing I notice... The youth CGLs really took charge of the meeting. They ran the auditions, rehearsals, saturations and also the actual meeting all by themselves. They made their own decisions on songs, events, performances, etc. EVERYTHING. And then they realised that Pastor YK is not even going to be around to preach! HAHA. I think BK nearly fainted knowing that he gotta be the one preaching. In the end, we got Joseph instead. But still, I think BK should go for it the next time. Afterall, Pastor YK preached to 200 over pp when he was only 18? I will vote for BK to preach in the next evangelistic mtg!! HAHA.

For the youth CGs, I really think you guys are just so awesome to be able to run this entire event all by yourself. Just now in the service, I thought of all of you when Pastor Tan said, the members should really appreciate their CGLs. I thought to myself... My zone ldrs are reali great! I think you guys know that you are here bcos of souls and lives. Not abt special recognition. It's really such an encouragement to see you all lay down your lives for others. Thank you very much. It brought much delight.

Service was very good. We sang Amazing Grace in a slightly different tune. But the song is still as anointed. Tears flow down. I think the members were very touched as well. Anyhow, I just felt in my heart that it's time to take a step back. Breathe, pray and seek God. Pastor Tan's sermon reminded me of a post that I put up a few months ago about saying no to some good things. Reminded about "Do not strife with me." My heart was so stirred. What would that mean? It means nothing until a decision that propels me to a direction.

God is good.

Summer Retreat 2008 @ Sofitel, Johor (Aug 30 - Sep 1)

The adults went to Sofitel, Johor for our first Adult Camp!

It was really a great time together. Thumbs up to the adults!! Of real sport.

To view more professional photos taken by Yangzheng, go to http://picasaweb.google.com/summerretreat2008.

Some of us stayed back for another day for our rest and relax.

Photo Album 2008-09-04

Groin Injury?!

Goodness. It's the biggest joke of the day. The doc told me I got groin injury. Something like what the soccer players always have. I was like laughing at it when the doc asked me how long I played squash. "Only 10min la! Entertain a kid. Aiyo!" Really joker leh.

Anyway... Just gotta eat pain-killers and muscle relaxer to ease off the pain. But still cant sit too much else will feel the sharp pain. Dunno why oso.

Vic said this morning that he can feel that I am reali reali very tired. And he was saying maybe I shld ask the doc to give me a bigger dosage of the thyroxin. I just ignored his question. Not like I didn't tell the doc. Forget it la. I just live with it. Sometimes, on the surface it reali looks fine. But i knw in many ways, I got to adjust my life accordingly. More efforts got to be made. But I think it's hard to explain. When i said I'm tired, pp would probably be thinking i am spiritually tired or tired in terms of serving. But whenever I feel tired, I gotta reali consider it's reali my body that is tired. So cannot let it affect me emotionally or mentally. Just gotta adjust accordingly. And when I feel very frustrated, I gotta tell myself it's just the hormones working up. Cos sometimes, I forgot to take thyroxin so I will feel this way. Kinda hard to explain. And it sounds reali reali weird. Haiz. Well, I can only choose to live with it and adjust to it. Can one.

Gosh. It's 10pm already and I am still in the office. I better go home. I need to rest. Haven't have time to do anything for my Miss VonJo too. Gals, keep in view my Miss VonJo store for updates next week!! :) 

Back finally

Back from JB finally... Headed to JW from the 2nd-link for the youth evangelistic mtg rehearsal and then back home to AMK. It's really home SWEET home. No more mosquitoes and houseflies everywhere. But the souvenirs of the mosquitoes kisses remains rather evident on my legs. My comrades would understand what I mean.

But heavy hearted. I need to pray a lot on this. 50% sure. Nobody lives my life for me. I make my own decisions. I take ownership of my own life. Nobody will take pity on me nor give assistance to me. It's up to me. Just got to get up and move on. Yes, it might hurt in the beginning. But how? When there's no one to direct and guide me through. I can only make my own decisions. After all, it's still my life, my destiny.

O BTW, for those non-bloggers that read my blog... PLEASE... Read with a little bit more INTELLIGENCE and WISDOM. If you read it as it is then maybe you should stop reading people's blog. And my blog is definitely not for you. :)  Thank you.

Sorry. Sounded a bit harsh. Just need to say that to make my stand. I have my reason so if you dun understand, ask before you slam me down. You dun hv to be like me but neither do I need to be like you. Thank you. :)

Ok Ok. To soothe this intense tone... Back to the camp. Or rather, a funny incident that happened on the way back. For some reasons, we needed to converse in dialect, mixture of hainanese and hokkien, Boon Kiat had a sudden bottleneck in expressing himself in dialect and he went "wa wa wa wa wa wa wa...." ("I" in hokkien) Well, the whole car of pp broke out in laughters within seconds. Part of it for laughing at ourselves oso in trying so hard to speak in dialect. ha! 

It's a funny trip. I had many good loud laughs. De-stress for the body but for the heart it's still prayers and more prayers. Maybe it's really time.

Camp ended

Woo!! Camp ended!!! So tiring for us who have been working for the caamp. But I think I react slower than the rest. I dun feel exactly tired actually. I only feel tired when I seriously had nothing to do. Like now... I am reali not tired but my friends are all so tired. I think they shld be SOUND asleep like my husband now... Heee....

It's really has been some time since we had a camp like this. In fact, it's the first adult camp we had and it's across the border in JB. The adults that attended the camps were also really awesome. They were really of great sport. I mean it's really amazing man. They played the telematch like the youths and even more gung-ho!!! To think we even "looked down" on them. O we were wrong big time. You see the tai-tais, CEOs and businessmen doing the stuff like anyone else and with great sportsmanship. I was so shocked by the sportsmanship they put forth. Really shocked. In fact, I had to keep reminding them "be careful!!", "slippery!", etc. My jaw dropped la... We have decided for the next camp, it will be much harder. Hahaha. Will put up the photos when we return to Singapore.

The committee finally had a good Chinese dinner to relax. Prior to that, the guys went to play water polo and Vic returned with multiple scars that are bleeding-red. According to him, it's courtesy of Pastor YK. if you ever play sports with the guys in my zone, especially the leaders, BEWARE. They are SERIOUS players even if they seriously dunno how to play. Ha! :D

It's a fun time. And I heard they are going to play PAIN-ball (ouch! can imagine the bruises already. Haiz.). O sorry, I mean paint-ball. And Vic seems rather enthusiastic about playing bowling and ping-pong ball too. Ha! And also some kart ride or bike ride, and a whole list of activities. I wonder if that will actually take place. Hmmm... Are they really going to wake up at 7.30am for breakfast? Er... I doubt I will. Hee...

Besides that, I miss my CG. have't seen them for so long. Had been busy with camp. Praying for their prelims. Hmmm... God will be with them. God is good.