Slept alot today

I woke up only at 1230pm today. Woo! What a piggy-good-sleep! :D

Well, just to make my conscience feel better, I attempted to go jogging. But both Vic and I walked only to the 5th storey and it started to rain! So we gotta retreat to our cozy habitat and I went back to sleep again till the cousin-gang came in the evening. Or rather much after they came then I woke up. Good sleep good sleep. ;P

Kinda in a sleepy and lazy mood to do anything at all. But still it was rather amusing that in this season of Olympics, we were all talking abt sports in front of the TV. All the "wah, very fast! World no. 1 就是 world no. 1." And I was really wondering, how in the world did they manage to remember all those people's names?! And it's all the different sports for goodness. Soccer, Volleyball, Swimming, Gymnastics... Aiyo... I couldn't even remember my own friends' names sometimes. HAHA! Ok, that's exaggerating a little. But my mind do "jam" a little when it comes to names many times. :)

Anyway, I was happy going CGMs on Thu and Fri even though I was really emotionally drained and didn't feel like leading CGMs at all. But the moment I met them, I felt lifted off my burdens. It wasn't that we had exceptionally good CGMs. It's just that I am happy to meet them. Just happy. :)

I like this 2 photos taken during CG fellowship on Thu. So cute... Haha. Feel so happy just looking at it. HA!

Chatted with Peng on MSN earlier on. She was also so bored that she's actually at Holland V BK wasting her time away online. Haha. I shared with her a little. And I thk I seldom "feel" so weak to her. Anyway, I wasn't exaggerating my emotions. I felt so sad even just sharing with her. Tears welled up as I typed. I need to pray.

O ya. I tot of smthg that I didn't blog some time ago. Everyone know that I love potato chips and even tho Vic always said that I eat one packet per day, I wouldn't agree with the wrong facts. :) Anyway, usually, I will try my best to open a packet with my bare hands in a standard way that I always insist on. Yes, even if it means I take longer to do it, I will still try all ways to open it with my bare hands. So there was this day, I did smthg unusual. I took a pair scissors to cut open the packet. And just as I was doing that, it's almost like the Holy Spirit spoke to me, "Isn't that alot easier?" I stood there smiling at myself. And munching away my chips, I tot, "Yah, alot better. Hmmm... But why was I so adamant about it?" 

Yah, why am I so adamant about things sometimes? I wonder. I am trying to change. But still, easier doesn't necessarily mean better. Some internal disputes of the mind.

A change that demands a decision and a commitment that's not the same as the usual and familiar. Hard to explain.

Jesus. I love you. A little tune went on in my mind.

It's time to sleep again.

Occupation fatigue

Or maybe it's just physical tiredness.

I am tired. Tired of doing the same things for the last 9yrs. I admit that I reali grew alot and learnt alot in this 9yrs. I dislike admin but i'm glad I overcome that some yrs back and started to learn and breakthrough. Learnt different ways of looking at things, including conflicts/tension at work & emotions displayed by different ones. I have definitely grown wiser and calmer. Learnt that I need to find solutions instead of complaining. You solve that problem and then that's truly more impt than grumbling and achieving nothing. Well, that earned me the title "Excel Queen" among the ZSecs. Thanks, I gladly receive that compliment as a little pat on my shoulder for a long journey that waits ahead.

I need to move on. That's the tricky part. Move on to what? I am currently doing admin for 3 zones (YK, VIC, KS) which adds up to 1800 pp. I don't even hv time to even think abt how to improve things in the zone. Just keying in and submitting stuff. I dun like the feeling of being paid to do smthg that even a student can do. I need to thk and improve things. If things are not progressive, i feel frustrated. I don't need more zones and more work. I need more satisfaction. I wonder would anyone even bother to thk for me what kind of satisfaction i would hv doing all these for the last 9yrs. I need progression.

Once again at a juncture of decisions. I am tired. I hope i can sleep away the frustrations but I doubt so. Yet, I know I still desire to serve God here. It's still the greatest honor. Simple things like the feeling I get sitting there marking BS attendance and smiling at each one. Maybe I shld just sit in at the reception and try feeling close again to the people and not buried in stacks of papers and admin.

Directions, I pray. I need to move on. Progressions, I reali reali need.

o man...

After one whole day of the RUL conference on global leadership and mentoring congress, i'm still not home. I'm dead-tired waiting for vic to finish his basketball game at pst's place. It's not even 8.30pm yet. I wld rather be at home alone working than waiting here for nothing. Yet i'm simply lazy to even move to go home myself. Tired tired tired. But we had great sessions listening to the different speakers such as Lucas Chow from mediacorp, philip ng from far east organisation and Y Y wong from wywy group. Many valuable thoughts and perspectives.

At the same time i was thinking abt pst kong and pst tan. I thk our two pastors wld be as successful if they had taken leadership in another organisation. Yet they have chosen this as their calling and certainly they are exceling in them. They are definitely not under in terms of wisdom and running an organisation. I pray that God will prosper them even more than they could ever thk of or imagine.

Feeling good. :)

Today, I'm feeling much better.

Went to NATAS fair with the intention of getting a good deal to go overseas with family in November. But all the packages are so expensive. I think on a 2nd thought, maybe Vic and I wont go anymore. Or probably see if there is any cheap air ticket to go Australia to look for Linda and her husband. Ha. We shall see...

Rev. Mark Conner shared a simple but good word during the FOP SVC today. One of the things preached which left a print in me: "We are responsible to people, not for people." So true. This was what Vic was trying to get into me during the our dating yrs and 1-2yrs of marriage. That was when i was struggling very hard in letting go of pp that chose their own way. Anyway, when I heard that again today, i felt so glad that I had started to accept it that way yrs ago. It wasn't easy initially, but certainly it made me happier in the ministry and serving pp better.  God is good.

Going to eat my chicken wing now. O, but it wasn't Vic that bought for me. ;P And he's eating it now....

Back to continue blog (random)

Haha. I think I must be reali "wu liao". Anyway, I am feeling ok. Just that recently I have alot of dizzy spells and super-tired-but-cant-sleep nights. But i am fine. :) Dun worry guys. :D

O ya. I just borrowed a book, "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult, from my member!! So excited abt it. I shared abt my read on "P.S. I Love You" previously. BTW, I did finish it by the time Vic came back from Taiwan. My first book after... say 15yrs?? Ha. I reali thk so leh. Ok la, that's not including the many Christian books that I have read in the last 15yrs. Ha. So I am going to try reading this book.

And yes. I wanna say this... I was just whining abt how Vic said a STRONG "NO" when I wanted to eat chicken wing on Tue night while the ldrs were having supper together. I was like "Hmp! What's the big deal... Chicken wing only ma. Oso must be so worked up meh." And I was even whining abt it before we slept that night. HAHA. Then today (Thu), Vic bought chicken wing for me, without me asking for it. O so sweet... And just to mention oso, that he went downstair to pick me up when I was reaching home on Wed night after BS class duty. So nice... Hee. But I guess after we have children many of this would change. For a split second, I felt that having no child is probably quite nice. Er. But I still want to have children QUICKLY... :)

Have just been really frustrated recently. Frustrated abt today's CGM. Too tired so lost of thoughts from Praise to Worship to Sermon to altar call. Just dunno why the words are all jumbled up when i spoke. HAIZ..................... Tomorrow is another CGM. I hope will breakthrough. But I'm glad to be able to have a short fellowship with Nicholas Ng and Adam before the CGM. I thk that alone is a good time of establishing something in the spirit. So PTL! :)

Oooo... 3am oreadi. I am tired. Reali tired. I must quickly go and fall asleep. And wake up to a new morning, a new day. God is good.

blog

ok. Xinhui, i'm blogging now. :)

Waiting for bus. Not feeling too well. Managed to conduct cgm though. Boarding bus. Say more again.

划悲愤为食量

I still couldn't get over my sadness very much. Cried before I came out today.

Anyway, I have proven to myself what it means to 划悲愤为食量。 Haha. Went to have dinner with the cousin-gang and I reali REALI ate to my fill. I kept saying I was hungry and i reali felt so hungry. It's like in my mind i was saying, "hey! the rest of you dun cook first. I cook first. dun fight with me for food!!!!!!" Haha. Of cos, I am exaggerating a little to emphasize my desperate cry of hunger. Furthermore, it's an expensive $42 steamboat buffet at Chong Qing Hotpot in Suntec, so I gotta eat to my fill right... Hehe. And today, I have my hubby with me, so I am happier eating the though-expensive dinner. HA!

To me, it's not the price of the meal nor the food itself. I simply like the fact that they laugh, they disagree, and they display their excitement freely even though it may not be reali of interest for the rest. Ha... 

I am generally a more serious person. And most of the time if you find me unhappy, angry and impatient, it's usually over something else that I am blaming myself for and you are catching me at the wrong time. Haha... And no use trying to cushion it for me too, I would feel worse. Ha. Weird hor. Maybe, I shld care less about things said or done. BTW, if you still dunno, it actually takes a lot for me to be soooo angry with pp and stay that way. Usually, if I am displaying my anger, most of the time, it's on purpose for a reason. It's very tiring to be angry you know. Haha. :) So dun worry abt me. I forget all the time. But dun take me for granted bcos somehow I'll knw. ;P

Anyway, I brought home many "balls" that filled my stomach till I felt like throwing up. 

I hope I will feel better.

God, I hand it over into Your hands. And can that include the "balls" that are swimming in my stomach? :) 

Love you, God.