10Dec2006

Haiz...

 

I'm just too shocked by the numbers that appeared before my eyes. Too shocked. What should i do to help Pst? I wish i can do more for Pst. I dunno how... 

 

I always feel that i am not capable enough to help Pst effectively. Ya ya ya... all the praises that come to tell me that i am good as a Zsec. But i still feel that i can do much better. I wish i have a bigger capacity to help him not just in his zone's admin. I am feeling frustrated that i am so inadequate and limited.

 

I wish I could be like Victor who can understand Pst so easily. I wish I could be like some of the young leaders that has that "brashness" to just do it. I wish i can be more faithful. I wish i can be ...

 

I dun mind if i no longer lead my own CG but actively help him to supervise CGs and help the leaders. It's not about my kingdom. Being under Pst for so long, all i desire is to reali be able to help him in every way needed. It's not abt ultimately if i have my own subzone or not. Or I become a ZS or not. It's just that i wanna be able to help him effectively.

 

Or maybe, i am not achieving much cos i am not ambitious enough?

 

Well, i guess i just have to pray more. Seek first the KOG & all these things shall be added onto me. Prayer is the key to every success and breakthrough.

 

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On a positive note... I felt touched during SVC today. God reminding me about how when I was young, my heart goes out to love humanity. Loving pp fervently. I felt like GOd knocking on my heart... "Do you remember how I loved you and how you in turn loved people? The passion that follows..."

 

Thinking on that line, i think i had let the "cares" of this world clouded my vision and blocked up that well of love for people, both saved and unsaved alike. I probably faced the computer too much that i am not relating to people enough. Ha.

 

Hmmm... Gotta pray. Those who seek will find.

 

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God is a good God. At least I have fulfilled my 5-fig BF and I am VERY THANKFUL for His grace. I believe i'm gonna clear my $10k study loan soon. All things are possible in Christ Jesus!