My day started with cramps... bad cramps... it lasted till about evening before the pain subsided by half. Maybe it's the medicine that's finally working.
Went to attend a funeral wake with the CG in the evening. Somewhere in the midst of the pastor's sharing, I felt a tinge of incompetency in my heart. Well, it wasn't what the pastor was sharing that made me feel this way. In fact, i was half-hibernating and not listening(oops!).... But I was feeling somehow down. And i tried to talked myself out of it... "Von, it's one of your cycles of feeling low again. Be cool. Dun take it too seriously." Haha.. That's what you become capable of after being a CGL for so long. Haha.
Anyway, my night didn't end with just myself encouraging myself. After the memorial svc, we sticked around for another hour. Laughing and joking. And seeing a gentle side of Tim playing with his baby cousin. The sight is so sweet. So charming... We had never seen that part of him. Tim seems to have grown up even more over the last 2 wks. Haha.
Then Dennis shared 2 testimonies with us. Very encouraging. At least, for me it's uplifting in the spirit. Then Kianyong also shared a testimony. Hearing all these and seeing that they have grown up and broken through so much, i suddenly felt encouraged in my spirit. It feels good.
We left the wake for the public transport back home. While waiting at the bus-stop, Jackie returned a book, Our Holy Calling (written by Ulf Ekman). I haven't read it since i bought it 2wks ago. I read the intro of the book while on the bus back.
It left an imprint: "Our calling is not about ourselves".
My position as a CGL is not about my calling. It's never about myself. It's about the people, the church and its calling.
When you are young, you do whatever you want and desire. But now that you are old...
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