Num 5: 5-7
"God spoke to Moses: "Tell the People of Israel, when a man or woman commits any sin, the person has broken trust with God, is guilty, and must confess the sin...""
Num 5:11-15
"God spoke to Moses: "Tell the People of Israel, say a man's wife goes off and has an affair, is unfaithful to him by sleeping with another man, but her husband knows nothing about it even she has defiled herself. And then, even though these was no witness and she wasn't caught in the act, feelings of jealousy come over the husband and he suspects that his wife is impure. Even if she is innocent and his jealousy and suspicions are groundless, he is to take his wife to the priest. He must also take an offering of two quarts of barley flour for her. He is to pour no oil on it or mix incense with it because it is a Grain-Offering for jealousy , a Grain-Offering for bringing the guilt out into the open.
A battle broke out within me as I read the passge...
In a state of "shock" as I read this passage on the bus to expo. Just as I was re-reading the passage in disbelief, I felt a tug at my heart and it's like God dropped this in my heart: "When the wife knew that a certain behavior will cause his husband to be in jealousy and yet she would still do it, isn't she guilty? Bcos she has not acted in love toward her husband, the one whom she has vowed to love and to cherish as long as they shall live."
I sat in a daze with these thoughts running through my mind. The "righteous" part of me was justifying: "But if I know I did not sin and my conscience is clear, isn't it good enough?!! I mean, I don't have to feel bad right?! Bcos the fact is I did not sin. So WHY should I feel as if I have sinned. Afterall, I can't control how he feels..." blah blah blah...
Yet, as I pondered over the thought that God had dropped into my heart, I am more and more convinced that it is reali not about whether you are right, it's about whether you have loved.
When I was young, I had always felt that my parents do not understand and was too controlling. I think all children feel that way when they were young. Ha. Well, their intentions may be to protect me and it is good, but their methods had incurred an adverse response from me. They were "guilty" in my eyes, whether or not their intentions were good. It was only when I brought them before God for forgiveness, for me to forgive them, I could not reali reconcile with the anger and ultimately understand their love.
As we grow up, we also forgot to consider our own ways, resulting in adverse response from others. And, sad to say, we used the same reasoning that "our intentions were good". This is so amusing. I was silently "laughing" at myself when I was thinking abt all these.
Love seeks the best for the other. Even if you are pure in your motives and reali had not sinned against your loved ones, you have already stumbled the faith and trust in your relationships.
Intentions alone do not give us the right of way in doing what we feel is right. The bible says that if even what we eat stumbles our brother, we should choose not to eat it for his sake. What more in the rest of our conduct, and especially toward the one we loved most?
Well, the Word of God always win in a battle.
I have loved.
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