Again today

Looks like God is rather persistent that I dun run away from this anymore.

Last Saturday, I cried during the SVC as God spoke. I was a bit taken by surprise and dint know how quite to respond. Rushed off without debriefing the members to do my BS class duty. And then rushed to airport to finally received my husband, who had been away in mission for 15days. I cleanly forgot abt what happened during SVC, until the SVC that had ended just a while ago.

During worship, God stirred within my heart again and I started crying. And I dun quite understand. I think if I had the liberty, I would have cried out quite badly but in the midst of being uncertain of where God was leading me, i managed to hold it back a little.

Seeking and searching as I worship, emotions stirred and tears flowed. God began to open up my heart, bringing me back to the same few scenes again. I saw the place where we used to have our CGM and saw as if God peeped into that HDB flat that night, many years back. The group sat in a circle and I was sitting nearest to one side of the wall on the left. I remember that sight. That night, it was a lousy CGM and it was with a group of pp that would weigh heavily on my heart every time I think of them. I felt so overwhelmed by emotions as I saw that. 

"Everyday I live, I know you are my God. I lift my face and look to you my Lord. Even when the mountains tremble and a thousand fall, I will stand with you. My Jesus, take my all."

As we sang, "Even when the mountains tremble and a thousand fall, I will stand with you. My Jesus, take my all.", God just continued to tug on my heart and tears continued to flow. It wasn't regret nor sadness that had overtaken me. But I just continued to cry.

"God, I dunno how. I reali dunno how. How I am supposed to do it."

I just know that I can't run away. I got to do something about it. I dunno how. I reali dunno. I will just try whatever I can. God help me.